If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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