Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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