Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
