to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
