If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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