The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
