i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
