i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
