I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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