Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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