My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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