Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
