At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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