Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
