He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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