Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
