He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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