Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
