my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
