I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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