before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
this just has baby written all over it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
