how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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