If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
