My room smells like vodka and shame
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
