You smell like stripper and shame
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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