Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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