Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
