i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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