Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize