I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
