Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
