Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
