I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
