oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
