so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
