I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
