Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
