I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
