**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She's the barista slut.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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