Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
