Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Quick, to the slutcave!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
