WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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