escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
did you just send me my own nude
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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