You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
