how can u be prego again
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
