Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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