Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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