I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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