Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
