She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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