she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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