No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
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The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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