The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize