remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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