I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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