why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
