I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
