She tied me up with her honor cords...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
