I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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